Friday, February 02, 2007

Kathy, chapter 1

My sister's slow death by scleroderma sits in my memory in a series of icons. I have carried these images in my head for the seven years since she left her body. I accept death, but I am not fond of it. I even accept her death, and at the same time, I miss her every day, no exaggeration.
I woke up suddenly at 3:15 the other night, came downstairs, and started to draw. Somehow, after seven years, the time was right. My drawing has improved enough that I can almost draw what I see in my mind's eye. I also credit my blogging community. I feel increasingly free to draw, to feel, to express. I feel less alone, more part of a tribe.
This is chapter one of four

20 Comments:

Blogger Sacred Suzie said...

Oh Caroline, that is so hard, I'm so sorry about your sister and your loss, your pain and sadness. She sounds like a beautiful and talented soul and I'm so grateful you are doing this tribute to her so we can meet her through your eyes, your words and illustrations. Thank you.

9:55 PM  
Blogger LisaOceandreamer said...

I am happy to see you back again...I've checked often. I am constantly amazed by your ability to chronicle through your drawings. I sometimes like them over photos because it comes right from your heart. I am so sorry you lost your sister, how well I know how death can impact our lives. So these chapters? These are drawings? They come from actual events at that time? I will be anxious to see the next 3.

XOXO

9:56 PM  
Blogger Suzy said...

I used to get out the West High Class of '72(?) yearbook -- same class as my brother Jim, because our families ran along parallel lines (and that probably had a lot to do with methods of birth control that were distributed free to doctors in the fifties ...) Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the yearbook -- it had a phenomenally complex maze in the front that was drawn by Kathy, and it was endlessly fascinating to me. I would trace it with my finger over and over.

Caroline, I am holding you in the Light (that's a Quakerism).

10:05 PM  
Blogger Suzy said...

Me again. I love your handwriting, by the way. I have sheet music for the song "Crazy Man Michael" where you wrote in the chords, like 25 years ago, and I think of you every time I pull it out.

Your drawing is so good from a purely technical standpoint -- depth, perspective and all that (though I can't talk like I really know much about it) but it is also so evocative. I can really feel the warmth of the sun streaming through the window. Is that Kathy in the chair?

10:12 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

As always Caroline, your drawings are beautiful. Even more beautiful is the sentiment behind them. I have missed you.

10:15 PM  
Anonymous Sofia said...

Caroline, how I feel for you and your immense loss of a loved one. But what a wonderful tribute to her and her life, you couldn't have done it better. I guess there always comes a time when we are ready to really grip the fact of a loss, and start to process it in another way than the grief part immediately following the passing.

I'm glad you're back, I've missed you.

1:53 AM  
Blogger miss*R said...

good to see you back miss Caroline - I may have to make tarzan his very own cat dolly full of catnip!
I am happy for you that you feel that you can express the loss of your sister through your art. that must be very healing.

4:11 AM  
Blogger miss*R said...

oh and schleraderma - is that the same as Morrie had - the man from Tuesdays with Morrie? that book inspired me when I was doing treatments!

4:12 AM  
Blogger Pam said...

Welcome back, Caroline, you were missed.

Your tribute to your sister is wonderful, warm and, I imagine, healing. Thank God for memory, a place to keep special moments and loved ones always.

The drawing has so much feeling, I love how you captured the mood and the day.

4:50 AM  
Blogger Endment said...

You have shared a very special person with us thank you
I have two very dear friends who have scleroderma.

10:39 AM  
Blogger melba said...

I don't know what that is like...to lose a loved one and then think of them every day. But my heart goes out to you.
Your drawings are amazing and I see your progression. Being part of a loving community, feeling you are with your tribe, does set the space to grow into ourselves and to manifest our dreams (the ones that we long to be our reality)

XO,
Melba

10:42 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

Caroline - I'm happy to see you back!

What an amazing tribute to your sister. I think this will be amazingly therapeutic for you! I haven't lost a sibling yet (I have 7) so I don't know what it is like. I have lost those close to me. I think about my grandparents often. I wish Mike had been able to meet them!

12:07 PM  
Blogger Caroline said...

Your drawings are wonderful - I'm glad you feel free to do them!

Death is always hard to come to terms with, as is disease... I'm glad you've found a way to tell her story.

12:07 PM  
Blogger GreenishLady said...

This is such a lovely and loving tribute. My heart goes out to you on the loss of your sister. Her spirit shines here.

8:14 AM  
Anonymous Britt-Arnhild said...

Writing and drawing - a very good way to deal with sorrows and to heal.

1:23 PM  
Blogger Mousie said...

That's a great honour you do us all by sharing such a difficult time...but yes dear one if it can help you, never forget you have friends on the web...It's so important to talk...
see you
Mousie

1:01 PM  
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