Potato Prints

Refreshed!

2007-05-10T11:43:00.000-04:00

Thank you so much for the good wishes and the encouragement! The move went well. My crayons are unpacked. I've set up a sunny art space. I've set up shop on a new site. Click on the link below and bookmark it for future reference. Please let me know if this link doesn't work:

http://potatoprints.typepad.com/potato_prints/

There are so many blogs I need to connect with again. I very much look forward to visiting each of you in the coming weeks.

Reincarnation

2007-03-26T20:35:00.000-04:00

I would not be drawing now if it were not for your comments. You have watered the seeds of confidence in my spirit. I will write to each of you when I create my reincarnated blog. I will continue to read and comment as it is possible. Some people might interpret this as a crisis, which it is not. Potato Prints has demanded so much of my time and creativity. I must now focus mindfully on the tasks at hand: the move, finding a job, clarifying my need to start a new career, and engaging in an exercise regime. I will see you in June!

Living with intention

2007-03-17T06:35:00.000-04:00

Last month we signed a lease in my hometown more than 1,000 miles away from Long Island. After seven years here, the daily battle with fastness and aggressive traffic has taken its toll. I am living in a sluggish and reactive mode. I have gotten fat. I have become a grumpy, empty road warrier. I have lost my core.

I was too deep in unintentionality to see what was happening. My loving husband is the one who hatched the scheme to move.

Our new town has sidewalks and pedestrians. It has bike paths. I will be able to walk to the library and the bank and the local independent coffee shop. I have family and family-friends there. The politics are much more progressive than they are here.

I am praying that this move will lead me back to living with intention.

Benefit Auction

2007-03-12T07:33:00.000-04:00

Stuck

2007-03-05T22:25:00.000-05:00

My husband is in the transportation business and he's his own boss. He has his own car carrier which he uses to haul cars.

On Saturday, he arrived late for a delivery, and the place closed down....until Monday morning. So he was stuck in his sleeper, in a snowstorm, in an unsavory part of town somewhere in the mid-West from Saturday afternoon to Monday morning.

He is a very patient man. But when he read my blog and saw what I was thinking of wearing to the benefit auction, he felt anxious and just had to call me in protest.

In drag

2007-03-03T09:41:00.000-05:00

At the museum we are getting ready for the annual benefit auction on March 10th. Since I work on the north shore of Long Island, this is Real Money. Do you remember Thurston Howell III from Gilligan's Island? Well that's actually how they talk here.

I want to honor their culture and their happiness, so I have to find something to wear. I think it was Gloria Steinem who wrote the brilliant sentence, "Femininity is women in drag." I just feel silly in everything I try on.

Mouse 2

2007-02-26T18:10:00.000-05:00

We found a dead mouse in the living room this morning. We've seen no signs of mice this winter, so I believe that Tarzan killed it outside and brought it in as a love offering through his special portal. I feel terrible because I didn't help at all.

Hoop skirt

2007-02-24T09:53:00.000-05:00

All the schools were closed last week for February break. I held a Fantastic February History Camp at the museum for kids who couldn't go away. We learned about the different people who lived in the house from 1740 to about 1870, namely a Colonial family, occupying British soldiers, spies, slaves, a Victorian family, and numerous Irish servants. We hauled water, carried wood, made inkwells, wrote with quills, made scones and cornbread, made a Victorian trinket box, played penny whistles and had a tea party.

My friend Mary Kay, who is a consumate seamstress and garment creator, lent us a Civil War day dress, hoop skirt and corset, which the accountant modeled. The kids jumped up and followed her through the Victorian hall. There's nothing like an authentic reproduction garment to light people's imagination.

Persian New Year

2007-02-17T17:08:00.000-05:00

The Iranian New Year is coming up in about a month. The timing is the best of any culture I've encountered -- it happens on the first day of spring.

Since it is actually a Zoroastrian festival, we know that it pre-dates the arrival of Islam to the area. After Khomenei seized power in 1979, this hugely popular traditional family day was frowned upon because it was secular.

In 1979 I was living in France, where waves of young Iranians sought refuge from the fundamentalist revolution. I made several Iranian friends that year, and then when I returned to the USA, I met more.

They invited me on picnics and to parties where we ate in a big circle on the ground. During dessert and tea they took turns reciting favorite verses from Rumi or Hafez by heart. They taught me how to cook and how to dance. They introduced me to a version of Islam that was kind of like my father's Judaism: cultural, but not literal.

Best of all, they introduced me to the Persian New Year called "NoRuz." It's all about new life, growth, seeds, health, and long life. The center of No Ruz is the "Haft Seen," or the Table of Seven S's" My drawing below includes some of them, but not all.

Look here for a detailed description.

Right around this time each year I begin preparations for my Haft Sin, which I assemble to welcome in the new year and to honor the beauty that Iran has brought into my life since 1979. I'll start my seeds in about two weeks, and then I'll have to borrow a fish. If you have kids, or if you ARE a kid, make a Haft Sin this year. It's really fun.

It makes me sad that Iran and Iraq have been so vilified in these decades, now I worry that Turkey will be next. Their cultures have so much to teach us. If you have an Iranian restaurant in your town, be sure to visit on the first day of spring. Say "No Ruz Mobarak!"

mouse

2007-02-12T16:29:00.000-05:00

Click for a larger view. A mouse died somewhere in the floorboards under my desk. It has been a trying experience to spend 8 hours a day with the smell. I have faith that the corpse will dry out eventually.

lovey dovey

2007-02-07T14:06:00.000-05:00

Cupid visited our house last week. My husband bought me roses and freesias (my favorite flower) and champagne. We celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary at a nice hotel, more in love than we have ever been.

By the way, I painted this with a new set of acrylics that my friend Terry sent from Madison. Really exciting.

Kathy, chapter 4

2007-02-07T13:20:00.000-05:00

Kathy, chapter 3

2007-02-06T17:05:00.000-05:00

The real shock was seeing the empty bed after they took her body away.

Kathy, chapter 2

2007-02-05T14:45:00.000-05:00

I worried about Kathy, but she urged us to go on with our lives. My students wrote stories for her in French -- she was an accomplished linguist and also adored kids. She sent a soap bubble machine and Hershey's kisses back to them. Delight.

One day in October, I was in Cincinnati teaching a French II class. The secretary came to my door with tears in her eyes. "You have a phone call down in the office," she said.

My best student stood up to take over the class. The secretary was carrying a box of tissues and she supported me as we walked toward the office. I picked up the phone. It was my sister Susan, who was in Boston helping Kathy. "You need to come now," she said, her voice telling all. My legs collapsed, and several teachers helped me to stand up. That evening I flew to Boston where my parents and siblings were at her bedside.

Kathy, chapter 1

2007-02-02T19:08:00.000-05:00

My sister's slow death by scleroderma sits in my memory in a series of icons. I have carried these images in my head for the seven years since she left her body. I accept death, but I am not fond of it. I even accept her death, and at the same time, I miss her every day, no exaggeration.

I woke up suddenly at 3:15 the other night, came downstairs, and started to draw. Somehow, after seven years, the time was right. My drawing has improved enough that I can almost draw what I see in my mind's eye. I also credit my blogging community. I feel increasingly free to draw, to feel, to express. I feel less alone, more part of a tribe.

This is chapter one of four

2007-02-02T17:55:00.000-05:00

vocabulary

2007-01-24T09:21:00.000-05:00

cane

2007-01-22T09:47:00.000-05:00

My knee is still the center of my universe. I went out and bought a cane, which has helped a lot. Walking from my car to my house is a real project. We live on a rambling estate with lots of trees and grass and wild plants. The dogs always greet me at the car and escort me to the house. I really love that.

At night it's so dark that I have to use the light of the moon to navigate my way.

This is the photographic view.

This is the view of our back yard. It is a channel that feeds from the Long Island Sound.

Sometimes it's hard living in an old house like this. There are mice and spiders. The phone lines get soaked. The furnace breaks down. Cars get stuck in the mud and snow. There are ticks. The well runs dry at inconvenient times. But this back yard outweight all of that.

an exception

2007-01-17T09:34:00.000-05:00

7. A punch line that always makes you laugh. .

Thanks Suzy, that was fun!

Burrito

2007-01-14T12:45:00.000-05:00

Button box

2007-01-10T09:09:00.000-05:00

PS: .

spectacles

2007-01-07T14:34:00.000-05:00

Alarm clock

2007-01-03T23:51:00.000-05:00

Turkish night

2006-12-31T22:20:00.000-05:00

. listening to the music of my favorite singer, Arif Sag (pronounced 'A-rif Sah).

it will make you cry just to hear it.

healer

2006-12-30T12:43:00.000-05:00

Added the next day: I have received such kind comments on this post. Each one touches me, as do the comments on other posts. My sister gave me this quote a few years ago: "When you take one step toward the gods, they take 1,000 steps toward you." Is it Rumi?

Not to insinuate that you are gods, rather that the energy and love in my posts return to me one-hundred fold in the form of your reflections.

Last weekend I went to a spiritual healer. She is grounded in Celtic spirituality, but has recently begun to move toward an earth-based practice rooted in Native American beliefs. We started our healing session outside, looking over the cliff where she lives, out onto the Long Island Sound. We visited her outdoor medicine wheel in near silence, and then went to her meditation room.

This room is an altar to the earth and to all the gods. It is filled with candles, symbols from many religions; colors, objects from nature, stones, statuettes, books, and bells.

Ego was absent during the session. Jeanne "Copper Beech Woman" is a humble person who sees herself as a conduit of collective wisdom. She will never take a place in the line-up of current book-selling, self-appointed gurus.

She used reiki, blessings, prayer and intuitive healing to open an inner door for me. During the session I felt connected with a long line of many healing traditions that have been crushed and erased. Something inside of me has changed.

home

2006-12-27T07:17:00.000-05:00

: http://www.climatecrisis.net/

Tin whistle

2006-12-25T13:28:00.000-05:00

I ordered a bunch of penny whistles and Mel Bay "Fun With the Tin Whistle" books for the gift shop in the museum. They have not sold at all, so I decided to boost sales and buy one myself.

My parents, may they rest in peace, had the wisdom to make ours a musical household. We had a piano, I had a guitar and a cello. We all played recorder. My two big sisters were excellent musicians (piano and violin); the oldest one often took me to classical music concerts at the University of Wisconsin. My older brother and his wife played guitar and sang together when I was in high school. There was always plenty of Baroque music and choral music on the record player. I had an excellent choir teacher (Mr. Harr) in high school. He taught us everything about sight reading. I have always sung in choirs and early music groups. I get so sad when I see public schools cutting art and music "because they are not essential." Real (not recorded) music is very much a blessing in my life.

No one is home today, not even Tarzan, so I've been having fun sounding out tunes and squeaking every so often.

cooperation

2006-12-24T12:19:00.000-05:00

I really like the satisfaction of cooperating with someone on a project, however small it may be. Sometimes the assistant director and I have to carry very heavy things up from the basement together. Last week a volunteer and I looked for a smelly decaying mouse corpse in the spidery basement together. I'm currently teaming up with two other museums to produce a lecture series this spring.

On Thursday, Al and I braved gale winds to take down the banner announcing our candlelight house tours. Since we work in a pedestrian-friendly town, several passers by stopped to offer advice and to chide me for not wearing a coat in such cold weather.

Wet blanket

2006-12-19T21:38:00.000-05:00

I was having trouble thinking of what to post today! Tammy was good enought to tag me. Visit her blog if you want a dose of optimism and gratitude.

The meme:
Three things I would like for Christmas.
Three things I wouldn't like for Christmas.

Preface on a Soapbox:
Here is a wonderful book that I have read perhaps four times. I cite it because it explains my feelings about gifts at Christmas. I'll sum up the book in one quote, coined by Barry Commoner in the 70s. "Less is more." This book is very dear to me, and I recommend it to all, especially at this frenetic time of year. So without judging anyone else, I try to follow Bo Lozoff and the Dalai Lama. I try to keep things simple.

Here's what I would want for Christmas if I celebrated it.... (click each image for a close-up)

Oooof! This pontificating is giving me a headache. I think I'll skip the second part about what I don't want. Anyway, thanks Tammy. I really had fun doing this.

P.S. Read about Bo Lozoff and The Human Kindness Project here .

Friend

2006-12-17T05:55:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I spent some time with my friend and colleague Al. We went to a Northport and visited the historical society, then walked around the town.

He is 80 years old, and so from another generation. Look at what he wore for our outing! A necktie, wingtips and a beautiful winter coat. He never swears. His intellectual curiosity makes him one of our best docents. I have never heard him say an unkind word about anyone. And this is one of the things I like best about him: he uses understatement.

When I described some visitors as "rowdy," he used the word "energetic."

I say "ridiculous," he says "there's room for improvement."

I say "riveting," he says "It's a good read."

Walking with him yesterday was an exercise in mindfulness. He walks with a slower gait, so I had to put the brakes on my usual Speedy Gonzales self.

I am so grateful for his friendship.

Carols

2006-12-13T22:14:00.000-05:00

The lovely kerrdelune invited me to participate in a meme. Please visit her blog. It will breath life into your spirit.

As I pulled melodies out of my head, I thought back to the cold, snowy nights in Madison, Wisconsin, where I grew up. For several Christmases in the early 1970s our family joined with several others to carol from door to door.

Muffled in coats, scarves, hats, mittens, gloves, we crunched at least two miles on frozen roads. That was before polar fleece and gore tex. Someone would call out a title and we would start to raise the song, all 20 of us. Often we stopped to knock on doors of old people or for people with young children. Both exuded a sense of delight and wonder.

When we were sufficiently frozen and hoarse we went to the Clausen's house for gingerbread cookies, pfeffernusse, and glogg. Those are very fond memories.

I whipped up this painting, imagining that these three people are singing "Es ist ein Ros' entsprungen" in 3-part harmony. Thanks kerrdelune. You have rekindled my love of this delightful Christmas tradition.

I'm going to skip my unfavorites. No need to start this beautiful day on a negative note. Here are my favorites:

"Good King Wenceslas "

"Oh Come! Oh Come, Emmanuel!"

"Bring a Torch, Jeannette Isabella"

"Rise Up Shepherd and Follow!", as sung by Harry Belafonte c. 1964

"In the Bleak Midwinter" listen to this one, pointed out by kerrdelune.

"The Grinch's Song" (You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch!)

errors

2006-12-12T21:43:00.000-05:00

Oh, it's so nice to be home.

Return

2006-12-12T07:42:00.000-05:00

I got back last night. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. Air travel does not agree with me, but seeing family does. Business determined my trip, but I was able to see family and even enjoy a Christmas ritual or two.

My sister and her husband do Christmas very well. Their beautiful house was scattered with stacks of Christmas books; Christmas music from the last four centuries. Sister supplied plates and bowls of pfeffernusse and gingerbread men. Brother-in-law made a fire in the fireplace. Nephew and his girlfriend selected a tree, which I helped to decorate. Cats (named China and Asia) played an endearing game of depositing numerous badminton shuttlecocks on my bed each night as feline love offerings. A 1,000 piece puzzle in the common room kept conversation running. It was lots of fun.

I'm late for work, so this is a sketch from a photo of nephew's girlfriend. Maybe I'll finish it tonight.

Thank you for the many good wishes for travel.

symbiosis

2006-12-07T07:41:00.000-05:00

I'm leaving on a jet plane, I think I'll be back on Wednesday of next week.

mini gallery

2006-12-04T23:00:00.000-05:00

My blogging group has finished reading True Balance, by Sonia Choquette. Here is a little retrospective of the icons I created to help myself understand each chakra. I did most of these on standard envelopes. It's a favorite size for me.

1st chakra: red; grounded, earthy, yoga, root vegetables, warm feet, sure-footed. Click images to see sloppy crayon or brushwork.

2nd chakra: orange, desire, sexuality, things that make you feel alive:

3rd chakra: yellow, will, clear direction, gut, solar plexus

4th chakra: green; heart chakra, give and receive love

5th chakra: blue, throat chakra, connect with universe, voice, truth-teller, no gossip

6th chakra: indigo, third eye, envision, open view, dream, see clearly what is and what could be

Here is the one that we read this week. It's the last one.

7th chakra: violet, no ego, crown chakra, embrace the Divine, embrace past lives, dissolve divisions.

The results of my profile tests rated me as having a very closed 7th chakra, but I think it's the measuring instrument that is closed. Choquette's tests place much emphasis on destiny and belief in a higher power. At this point in my life neither one fits in my belief system.

I see myself as having a fairly open 7th chakra. I may not worship a higher power, but I am incredibly spiritual, I see holiness all around me every day.

ACey wrote me with an excellent recommendation for a better book on chakras. I'm excited to look at it. Thanks to Melba for pulling all of this together. Consider coming to Melba's welcoming and wonderful gathering on Cape Cod in October of 2007. I'm already registered!

Christmas

2006-12-02T10:23:00.000-05:00

About ten years ago I decided to abolish Christmas from my life. Why would I celebrate?

my glasses

2006-11-29T09:17:00.000-05:00

This is the true story of what happened this morning at 4 a.m. Please click on images to see details.

Taking stock

2006-11-27T08:31:00.000-05:00

What have I done with what I have received?

Introspection.

real mail

2006-11-23T14:49:00.000-05:00

sixth chakra

2006-11-16T21:10:00.000-05:00

Tarzan sleeps

2006-11-14T22:35:00.000-05:00

Queen

2006-11-11T06:03:00.000-05:00

Watercolor

2006-11-09T21:12:00.000-05:00

fairy houses

2006-11-07T16:50:00.000-05:00

Green

2006-10-19T12:58:00.000-04:00

fourth chakra, which resonates with the color green.

I

Third chakra

2006-10-09T22:05:00.000-04:00

My first passion
One time was when I started to learn French. There was a fierce quality to my hunger. Over a period of sixteen weeks I copied the entire university textbook into a series of notebooks. I lived at the language lab. Riding my bike home from the university, I said the names of passing objects in French: un arbre, un chien, trois enfants, le trottoir, un nuage....

Other passions
I've done so many special things. Lived in New Mexico, helped open a bookstore, did an M.A. in French literature at an excellent university. I lived in France for two years, played in a band there, sang with a choir. I studied in Italy for a semester. I went to Mexico for a summer and lived with a family. I took a group of high school students to Australia for three weeks. I worked with homeless women and their children for two years. I moved from Ohio to the Hamptons, where I taught at a private school. I started a new career in museum work at age 44. Sometimes I can't believe that I did all of that. Who was that woman?

What happened?
But over the past four years, since 9/11, I think, I've slipped off the track. I am awash in a sea of bewilderment. I don't know what I want anymore. I feel like I am not really living. I just work, pay the bills, drive, go to Starbucks, wash the floor.

Yellow

2006-10-07T17:54:00.000-04:00

Iic.

Elizabeth

2006-10-01T21:14:00.000-04:00

On foot

2006-09-29T17:52:00.000-04:00

quill pens

2006-09-28T12:34:00.000-04:00

Second chakra

2006-09-21T07:44:00.000-04:00

some of my portals to vitality:

swimming in the ocean
foot massages
dark roast coffee in my fabulous mug
the big religions (even though I'm not a believer)
new shoes
pretty new clothes
many candles
great, complex wine
aromatherapy bath soaks

True Balance

2006-09-18T07:26:00.000-04:00

I'm chi.

Dad! It's flying!

2006-09-12T10:09:00.000-04:00

First chakra

2006-09-03T05:45:00.000-04:00

.

I think I might be way early on this assignment.

Grounded

2006-09-02T14:27:00.000-04:00

A day at the museum

2006-08-29T09:25:00.000-04:00

deaf world

2006-08-25T17:42:00.000-04:00

. It was pure humanity, both the caretakers and the cared for. It touched a place of holiness in me.

Watering

2006-08-20T15:20:00.000-04:00

.

This is a rendering of a new responsibility at work: bringing the Victorian garden back to life after the recent period of global warming. I spend an hour or so in the garden each day. I didn't like this first sketch. It was too much about ME, not enough about the garden. So my next post shows the second rendering. Click on the image to enlarge it.

second version of "Watering"

2006-08-20T15:10:00.000-04:00

So here is the second one.

Artist's Date: wine tasting

2006-08-02T09:39:00.000-04:00

I have the luck to live very near an excellent and outstanding wine shop. They are very down-to-earth people and have a vast understanding of wine. I went there for an artist's date last Saturday night.

I went home and made my very first acrylic painting. CLICK on it to enlarge.

tarzan scanned

2006-08-01T13:23:00.000-04:00

One other scanned post, just for comparison.

sea creatures again

2006-08-01T13:13:00.000-04:00

scanner

2006-07-31T15:53:00.000-04:00

I tried a scanner. Look how clear this is. Wooo hooo.

Major Spider, chapter 2

2006-07-25T07:44:00.000-04:00

He saw it before I did. He is a wonderful communicator. I'm late for work.

major spider

2006-07-23T14:09:00.000-04:00

. I'm learning so much from re-doing my drawings!
PS: I'm still .

laughing

2006-07-21T07:18:00.000-04:00

Yesterday .

rejects

2006-07-20T07:30:00.000-04:00

Money! Money! of all, she's a great conversationalist and listener. I had a wonderful time.
I .

worthy

2006-07-15T19:08:00.000-04:00

Julia Cameron's book is splashing new colors into my little life. I must admit that her writing irritates me. Her sarcasm and patronizing tone sully her otherwise good thoughts. But I walk on the path of the artist's way, through the sixth week, forgiving her the trespasses.

I went outside today and gathered things of beauty. Yes, Julia Cameron, this is indeed a bountiful universe. I took on the Zen beginner's mind, and discovered that nature provides so many beautiful things just outside my door.

I wrote a scary affirmation to experience during the week.

And I added a gatha from Thich Nhat Hanh:

Placing this beautiful flower in my home,
I am aware of the serenity it offers.
May I carry that serenity into
my interactions today.

joyful

2006-07-15T08:31:00.000-04:00

!

I'm .

continuity

2006-07-14T07:26:00.000-04:00

It adds meaning and continuity to my life when I crack open the watercolor set that my dearly departed father used. The French expression, feu mon pere, is so much better. People who knew him will understand the magical potency of seeing his very own watery marks on the paint cakes. I just love using his paints to animate some of my drawings. Joseph Mark Benforado, presente!

hermit crab

2006-07-14T07:15:00.000-04:00

Yesterday a marine biologst came to visit the children at the history camp. "What did the colonists eat?" she asked. "What was under those waters in the bay?"

This group of six-year-olds was transfixed by the creatures that this woman pulled out of her cooler. I'd never seen them so quiet. At one point she got them really quiet and asked them to coax the hermit crab out of its shell by inviting him with silence. He emerged! The whole experience made me think of this book about "nature deficit disorder," Last Child in the Woods.

Joyeuse Fete de la Bastille a tous!

habit #4

2006-07-12T22:48:00.000-04:00

This entry is #32 in keri smith's 100 ideas: draw some of your habits. I've mentioned sitting too close to the steering wheel and two others. Here's habit #4: I never finish my coffee. I spend a lot of money on Starbucks French Roast beans. I make the perfect cup of coffee every morning. I put it in this favorite mug. I wait until it's the perfect temperature. I take three or four sips. Then I abandon it.

old-fashioned

2006-07-12T07:14:00.000-04:00

great

2006-07-10T23:02:00.000-04:00

At 11:00, one of the children slipped into my office brandishing a crayon and a piece of paper. "Could you please help me draw a horse?" My heart melted. "I'm getting PAID to do this?"

first day

2006-07-09T23:11:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is my first day at the new job. I've been working in limbo for about 14 months, mourning the loss of a job that I really loved, and working in a job far below my skills and talents. It's a really big day for me.

My lunch is packed. I've selected my outfit. I put a few dollars in my wallet, just in case I need a Starbucks in the middle of the day. One of the really great things about working in the not-for-profit sector of the economy is this: it's ok to wear a skirt and not wear pantihose.

I made a little notebook where I'll write down everything I learn in the first weeks. I'm so excited. So grateful. So humbled by the hell I've been through in the past months.

Mouse show

2006-07-08T13:28:00.000-04:00

The cat is warming up slowly to his new life. I'm still not decided on a name. Maybe "Teacher." Maybe "Hairy." He ventures forth by just inches each day. He sleeps on the floor near my bed. Last night he jumped on the bed and sat at the far end near my toes for ten delicate minutes.

He is too shy to play with me, so I just put on mouse shows, which he seems to enjoy. His tail swishes back and forth wildly, but he does not pounce. When I go downstairs, there is a delay, and then I hear him upstairs jumping and scampering and attacking the play mice.

The parallel with my inner artist is so strong. A lot of people ask me to draw on demand, people also ask me to illustrate their children's books. I just can't function when people are watching or expecting. It's like my hand turns to wood. I want to have such a free hand that I can draw whatever and whenever. But for now I am much more like this cat, staying close to where it is safe. I must continue to clear space and provide gentle, loving encouragement.

lines

2006-07-06T04:39:00.000-04:00

Cindy's powers of observation inspire me. A few weeks ago she asked how I can draw using my memory. I wrote back asking the opposite: "How can you draw from life?" Whenever I try to sketch something, I get overwhelmed with detail, then I crash.

So last night I experimented. I walked the line between deep observation (what I SEE) and intuitive memory (what I KNOW). The result was a more accurate, but still stylized version of objects in my universe.

My life is changing. I read fellow art bloggers every day. I study their creations and revel in their success. For me it's like visiting four or five studios each day! How enriching. The feedback on this blog makes me feel so safe and loved and valued, both as an artist and as a person. Living with this wonderful, magical, spiritual, kind, affectionate cat is making me so happy! So attentive and mindful. He is less shy each day, spending increasingly more time out from under the bed. He is a symbol of my emerging artist.

Working through The Artist's Way continues to challenge me and to open up new windows and doors. Sunlight is streaming through the cracks. The other night as I was going to sleep, I actually thought about taking myself back to France for a visit next year. Then I thought with a laugh, "Julia Cameron is right. This IS an abundant universe." And then I fell asleep.

copying horses

2006-07-04T10:24:00.000-04:00

The Artist's Way is making me bold. I'm trying new things and trying my best to tune out all interference in order to listen to that one important voice in my life (my own). I took out a book on animal anatomy this week. I did these just by eyeball, copying from the book, trying not to erase at all.

Some of the drawings were pretty bad, but I selected a few that I liked. The lesson I learned: outlines come from underlying form. That's deep for me.

copying dogs

2006-07-04T09:22:00.000-04:00

Until now, my drawings of animals have been really generic, and not based in observation.

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adopted

2006-07-03T15:31:00.000-04:00

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Masquerade

2006-07-01T09:16:00.000-04:00

I keep taking things off of my resume in hopes of finding a job, any job. I'm now running on empty. It has been six weeks. I need income. So, off go the 5 years of doctoral work and fellowships. Off go my published articles. Off goes the master's degree. Off goes the teacher certification. Off goes the work abroad. Job duties are rewritten and watered down. My professional past now ressembles a bug whose hacked-off legs blow away in the breeze, one by one. I've put my dreams and hopes in the deep freeze. I'm applying at temporary placement agencies now. This is The Great Masquerade of 2006.

Yesterday a young whipper-snapper interviewed me. He was maybe 25. He was very impressed with my typing scores, but told me to go home and refresh my Excel skills.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just irritated.

Illustration Friday: "Rain"

2006-06-26T05:16:00.000-04:00

I had so much fun doing this, especially because it's been raining for about six days here. The man I saw looked so crabby, and the dog looked so happy. I rent our hovel in a neighborhood of vineyards, ocean views, Mercedes, horses and such. I thought, "Good God, man, you've got a mansion with all fluffy white towels to go home to! We're all crying for a long shower every morning, and we love to swim. It's water, not acid. What's the big deal?" But enough moralizing. It's unbecoming.

Most interesting to me is my reliance on conventions. According to theory, my artiste disappeared 40+ years ago. I never learned how to SEE. So rain = lots of parallel grey lines. A leash = a straight line between human and dog. I have so much to learn! What does a dog really look like? How does it walk? How does a man walk? What do background houses look like in rain? What do puddles look like? I mean, I like my drawing, but I also see 75 flaws. I'm giving myself some slack because Julia Cameron says that we must encourage our artist and lure her out.

Distaste

2006-06-24T23:21:00.000-04:00

Likes and dislikes define boundaries and a sense of self. Last week, as part of my work in The Artist's Way, I drew food that I like. Today I'm posting foods that I don't like. I've tried to pinpoint the reason for my dislike.

Example, I don't care for shellfish. I've tried it a few times, but the texture reminds me of what an earthworm would feel like between my teeth. Click on drawing to enlarge it.

I tried lobster once, but it felt like I was ripping apart a huge scorpion. Dipping it in melted butter didn't even help.

More distaste

2006-06-24T23:13:00.000-04:00

More dislikes. I don't like shrimp. I have a strong memory of the beloved grandmother on the Jewish side of the family telling me that we don't eat shrimp. "They live at the bottom of the ocean. They are dirty," she said. Anyway, their reptilian armor too closely ressembles that of my most-hated kitchen pest, the mutant-legged, camel-back grasshopper.

I can't even look at kiwis. They give me hives. On a related note, I shudder when I see a key lime pie or a lemon meringue pie. I can't explain it.
Eggs upset me, even though I eat them sometimes. By the way, I'm not criticising anyone else for eating any of these! A friend just called me to protest my first entry.

Waiting

2006-06-24T07:17:00.000-04:00

The potential new employer was supposed to call yesterday to give me the board's decision. I stayed home and puttered....well actually I just sat and watched the phone. Nothing.

I love mail

2006-06-23T10:10:00.000-04:00

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I believe in the magic of the U.S. Postal Service.

aromas

2006-06-22T12:19:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was all about job interviews and an axle problem on my car. I didn't have the heart or even the time to make a drawing. I slept poorly, and woke up feeling worried. Then I discovered many messages from fellow bloggers. I felt so energized. I am in the third week of The Artist's Way. So today I'm still thinking about regaining a sense of self, so I thought about more things that I love. Above is the smell of honeysuckle at night with fireflies. The one below says A Salt Breeze -- I think I meant to write "A Sea Breeze". Our house is on a tidal inlet. Sometimes on very saturated and windless early mornings, I can sniff the air and smell the invitation of the great ocean.

Some of these are difficult to identify. The one above is me finding the first good summer peach the other night. Below is the smell of freshly-cut grass with wild onions and dandelions. I'm cutting with scissors because my attempts at drawing lawnmowers were disasters.

taste

2006-06-20T13:41:00.000-04:00

This post grows out of my explorations in The Artists Way. Gaining a sense of identity (chapter 2) and gaining a sense of power (chapter 3) are both challenges to me. She keeps pushing the reader to care for her Self, for her artist instead of always caring for other people.

As I pay more attention to my own happiness, I discover that there are little glimmers of dreams and desires -- something I've denied myself for a long time. These past years have drained me. I am shut down in so many ways. I have lost my ability to hope.

I love Oprah's quote: "Your life is speaking to you all the time. What is it trying to tell you?" Julia Cameron gives a similar challenge to just "...pay attention this week to anything that you notice." When I was on the treadmill at the gym I saw Michael Chiarello's cooking program. His approach to food is so sensual and bold and creative and fun. I used to bake in fine restaurants, so I have a sense of the territory. The show reminded me of better times, like when I lived for two years in the south of France, and even earlier, when I apprenticed with a great pastry chef. That part of me wants to be alive again. I want to shop in fresh markets and buy fresh flowers. I want to find amazing food combinations and enjoy them with friends. So I sat down and challenged myself to think of some of the special and sensual flavors that my self, my ARTIST has enjoyed in the past. It made me both happy and sad at the same time.

Driving

2006-06-19T15:25:00.000-04:00

I'm continuing with keri smith's theme of "draw your habits." This is actually two habits:

1. I sit way too close to the steering wheel.

2. I always listen to books on tape,usually non-fiction. Right now I'm listening to Gore Vidal's book about our founding fathers.

Hmmm... I just realized that there is no door on the driver's side. Let's call it a sketch. I spent the whole day applying for jobs. I sent out 6 cover letters and resumes. I'm sick of my desk. I want to go to the beach now.

Reading in bed

2006-06-18T17:32:00.000-04:00

The idea for this drawing comes from keri smith's 100 ideas. I think it's number 32: draw some of your habits. I started with this one: reading in bed. I had several challenges. I don't know how to make the floor line. I also didn't know how to suggest form under the bedspread, so I made it into a quilt.

Maybe you recognize the cover to this one. I made the book cover into a panel as big as the wall as anod to an effective Japanese tradition. I've seen it done in prints. The angle is wrong. I wanted it to look flush against my bed.

I'm so enchanted by the book that I feel like I'm really in the McClusky world. Metaphorically, the book really does fill my room, so I'm the same size as the two girls. McCloskey's illustrations are so low tech. Just pencil, I think. Nothing derivative or post-modern about him. Just pure observation and skill. Now I'm on to Blueberries for Sal.

Paper and scissors

2006-06-17T16:41:00.000-04:00

I feel blah today.

My life is on hold until I hear about that job. I'm letting it eat away at me. So I tried to think happy thoughts today. Instinct somehow led me to scissors and paper. When I was ten or so, my mom (Sally), may she rest in peace, taught me how to make paper dancing dolls. Making these dolls today made a bridge to the past. Soon I was in the house in which I grew up, seated at the sticky and humid dining room table with my mom, snippets of paper flying off as we fashioned our dolls. I felt the safety and predictability of my childhood. I sensed the breeze sifting through the curtains. So this exercise really lifted my spirits today. Thanks mom!

jellyfish

2006-06-16T18:41:00.000-04:00

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doughy cake

2006-06-15T12:41:00.000-04:00

Ice Cream Monster inspired me a few weeks ago when she published something that didn't quite turn out. She's a master graphic artist and a great illustrator, but was not too proud to publish a soggy cake. Just as Mok, my Chinese calligraphy teacher said, you learn more from your mistakes than you do from your successes.

I keep thinking about the Old Testament reading from Sunday. I'm not a Judeo-Christian. However, those stories just fascinate me to no end, probably because I grew up in a religion-free household.

I tried to draw this five times, but it won't capture my excitement and magical feeling. So in honor of Ice Cream Monster, I'll publish my unsuccessful execution in hopes that I'll learn from studying it.

The sandals are key in the story. God tells Moses to remove them. I think the sandals in my drawing capture Moses' awe better than any part. I decided in the end not to include the burning bush in the drawing. It seemed kind of sacreligious, and better left to the imagination. Anyway, the effect of the fire and voice was more interesting than the bush itself.

For the sake of composition, I wanted to publish the whole doughy cake, but it comes out really fuzzy -- not too much fun to look at. Anyway, Blogger is refusing to publish it now. It seems to be on the blink again. I'll publish it this afternoon.

Illustration Friday: "Jungle"

2006-06-14T08:07:00.000-04:00

Drawing every day is helping me gain confidence. The input from other bloggers and the weekly assignments are fantastic. I am learning to accept the inevitable bad drawing as something that happens to everyone -- kind of like a bad sneeze. I'm still learning about composition, so I couldn't think about how to compose a drawing of something with no focal point and no real edges. Finally after a few days, it came to me. Again, I'm depending on fuzzy webcam photos until I can purchase a scanner.

empty pockets

2006-06-13T09:41:00.000-04:00

My artist's date on Sunday started at Trinity Church for mass on Trinity Sunday. As I started the long walk back up to 40th street, I stopped in lots of shops. The best one was Pearl River (477 Broadway), a huge shop full of beautiful and affordable items from Thailand, Japan, Korea and China. I'm still unemployed, so I had no spending money. Sometimes empty pockets liberate me from the rapacious, acquisitive mindset, allowing me look more closely at things.

quiet

2006-06-11T19:10:00.000-04:00

new suit

2006-06-10T09:59:00.000-04:00

I had a second interview for the job, this time with board members. So I did something I've never done in my life. I broke out of the serious suit mode and bought an apricot-colored suit with light and fluffy scarf to go with it.

When I got home, the Love Dog on the farm came to meet me, and before I knew it, he had muddied my skirt, the jacket, and the top -- all in one quick motion. Impossible to be mad at this dog. Anyway, my parents always taught us that THINGS are just THINGS, and they can usually be fixed pretty easily. The suit was sweat-soaked from the interview, and had to be dry cleaned anyway.

Not a great sketch. I did it in a hurry. I have to work on dogs. But I wanted to keep up my production. I'm going to the gym, and then off to my artist's date for the week.

Mood

2006-06-08T23:42:00.000-04:00

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Un petit livre

2006-06-07T10:37:00.000-04:00

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je suis artiste!

2006-06-05T18:14:00.000-04:00

I started the Artist's Way this morning. It feels so exciting and delicious to honor that part of me. All of my supplies are out now.

I don't quite feel the truth of the morning pages, but I'm going to play along.